Two Dimensional Gal
I just saw an ad for the movie version of The Great Gatsby. It looks very slick, polished, well-cast ,and despite my general dislike of movie versions of books, my interest was piqued. Then I noticed that the movie would be shown in something called “Real 3D.” Really? Gatsby in 3D? Why would anything think that’s a good idea? Sure, I’ve seen a few Pixar movies that were done in 3D. I have two kids and it’s hard to escape wearing the icky, shared glasses in order to take in the latest cartoon adventure. I even sat through the new Oz-themed movie in 3D. I didn’t enjoy it much, but I watched it. Still, I don’t think I will go to see Gatsby in 3D. I cannot imagine the purpose for these effects with this story. Did I miss the chapter with the lasers and roller coasters? Daisy’s dress is going to really billow like a balloon, isn’t it?
What’s next, Hamlet in 3D? Will Polonius hover over all of us? Or perhaps Macbeth will be the first Shakespeare production filmed in 3D and we can have the witches throw some green smoke our way as we duck the peopled branches of Birnam Wood come to Dunsinane, ooh, and Lady Mabeth can wring her physically spotless but virtually bloody hands in our faces. That will add some life to the classics!
While we’re at it, why not go 4D and have smells piped in? A little rotting corpse stench for the zombie movies, and some wafting vomit odor for all those “Hangover” themed movies. That could be just the thing. The possibilities are endless. Sadly.
I love movies, but I want them to have some humanity in them. I want to care about the characters and get sucked into the story. I don’t want to wonder how the effects were created, or strain to see if the characters were played by actual people or created on a laptop somewhere. Too much artifice and movies become a scientific marvel devoid of art – at least for me. So I’ll be skipping Gatsby in Real 3D. Maybe I’ll reread the book and let the two dimensional words create a magical three dimensional world in my little Luddite mind.
And I absolutely don’t want to wear the glasses. Who knows where those things have been?