I followed this link (http://fb.me/6Jgm3RHcC) on twitter which breathlessly extolled the many virtues of a fashion collection entitled, Pangaea. It was work done by a designer I’d followed during a Project Runway season so I clicked on it. I enjoyed this designer enough to follow him on twitter, so I had high expectations.
After clicking, I was transported to a world where Cher’s touring wardrobe circa 1990 was reworked. And overworked. This was the era when she wore large stylized Mohawk headpieces and coordinating costumes that emphasized the reproductive zones on her body. Cher’s outfits were black, these new designs are mostly white. Cher’s outfits celebrated curves (despite the fact that Cher had few and was generally very lean), these new outfits obliterate them by covering some of them with a leather, eye-shaped trim that looks a bit like white duct-tape placed haphazardly across the part of the body that might house breasts, if models were allowed to have anything beyond nipples on their chest. The nether region is treated to some serious fringe which functions as an arrow to the crotch and rear. It is one of the least sexy, least “animal” looking things I’ve ever seen. In fact, it looks like something I might have tried to cobble together for a dance costume in the world’s saddest talent show. Have I mentioned I cannot sew?
I did not see these designs walk the runway in person, and these photographs may not do them justice, but this collection isn’t interesting, edgy, bold, or sexy. I know soccer moms such as myself are not the intended audience, but it begs the question- who is? Punk rockers wouldn’t wear this, it’s too slick and silly, not edgy or real enough. Young, professional, urban women- the usual target demographic for designers- would have trouble finding the right context for these clothes. And when the post-apocalyptic warrior chicks come out of the stainless steel pods in 50 years, they are going to need more protection than this collection can provide. Fringe cannot stop bullets, radiation, or coffee spills. Take my word for this.
I have a feeling that if this collection is the next, big thing, I’m going to be one of those women who ends up fashionably frozen in time. We all know her. She is still wearing shoulder pads and blue eyeshadow. She didn’t have to “rebuy” leggings when they made their triumphant return a few years back because she still has the pair she bought at The Limited in 1985. I never wanted to be this woman, I’ve tried to remain fashionably relevant within reason, but if we all start wearing these leather Eye of Horus patches over our breasts, I’m done. And I’ll be collecting and hoarding as many cardigans as possible.