Mother’s Day Sucks

by gillis

The truth is, I hate Mother’s Day. I don’t hate being a mother. I don’t hate having a mother. I just hate this day that is set aside to honor mothers. Everything about it troubles me. It feels patronizing and forced. All those damn hanging plants and trinket filled rings, bracelets and necklaces that no one with any fashion sense at all would choose to wear. Who thought it was a good idea to design the world’s ugliest jewelry for mothers? When we become mothers, our vision doesn’t usually become impaired, does it? Those necklaces with gems or figures to represent their children are like silverplated albatrosses weighing the wearer down. Believe me when I say that we know we have kids, we know it’s our job to keep them alive and help them to grow up to remain outside a penitentiary, and we don’t need to wear symbolic representations of them to feel connected to our kids. Usually they are hanging onto our pant leg, literally or figuratively, anyway.

I enjoy the handmade cards and the coffee in bed and wish that the day would continue on from there without any further mention of motherhood. In the days and weeks leading up to Mother’s Day, the commercials make us all feel guilty. Don’t forget mother. She gave you life, now give her a bracelet at 20% off to return the favor. Take her out for a special meal and fight the crowds for a table so you can show other people how much you love mom. She’ll enjoy being rushed through the meal and having the servers gush over her and the family I’m sure.

No thanks. As far as I’m concerned, every day is mother’s day. I get to take care of my kids every day and enjoy their company and watch them grow and become more and more their own people each day. It’s amazing. They are amazing. Don’t try to thank me for all I do with a Hallmark card. It’ll just remind me of all the things I forget to do and make us both feel a little greasy. Just grow up to be strong, funny, engaged people, ok? And would it kill you to make your bed? There. That’s all I’m saying. Happy f*ckin’ Mother’s Day.